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We have all heard them before but if your bored at work and in need of a giggle here are some of Carol's best statements and Carolisms.
During a power cut at the Monkey Carol offered Daytime Dot a cuppa.
Day Time Dot: "Carol the electric is off how you gonna boil the kettle?"
Carol: "Oh its ok I will just heat it up in the microwave."
A woman comes to the bar and asks what toasties{the food not the man} were available
Carol: "We only have cheese toasties today."
Customer: "Ok two cheese toasties please."
Carol: "Would you like some ham, tomato or onion in them?"
Exit one confused customer.
When asked for a sausage toastie Carol could not understand why the bread was burning but the sausage was not cooked. On closer inspection she had placed two whole frozen sausages between bread, and tried to cook it that way. God bless Chef.
Whilst watching a Newcastle match carol was heard shouting
"Just tackle the lanky dwarf!"
*** Editor's note... Carol was referring to the honourable Mr Dennis Wise.
When some of you lovely regulars were in you may have heard a conversation about sheep. Fluffy metioned something about it being a ram, at which, Carol pops her head over the kitchen door and shouts at Fluffy in disagreement "Ram my arse!"
A personal favourite of mine is the time Carole was asked what was the difference between sweet and dry cider of two sky weegens, Caroles answer to the question "they are made with different apples!"{she was non too amused when our IceHard asked for a pint of granny smiths}
Recently brought to my attention was Caroles Chad impression. One quiet day at the Monkey a loud bang was heard from Caroles creation area. Carole comes into view peeking over the kitchen door soot on her face and hands, coughing and weezing and states "I never touched it!"
An employee from a local NHS Establishment ordered a meal one Friday lunchtime, asking for chicken nuggets, chips and gravy and told Carol that she didnt want any salad and could she have the gravy over the chips. The meal duly arrived - chicken nuggets, chips WITH a lovely pile of salad covered in gravy!
Not a Carolism but canny non the less... Daytime Dot was pestering a punter who, in a desperate attempt to escape, told her to go clean the shelves. To which Daytime Dot replied "I cleaned them yesterday". The punter countered with "Aye, but that was only a cat's lick". Daytime Dot had the final word by responding "Cat's lick my arse".
New for 2006!
Punter: Have you got any wine?
Carol: Yes
Punter: Have you got any sweet wine?
Carol: I've got Red & White
Carol: Eeeee pet its ?2.89, you've only given me ?2.11...
Punter: I gave you a fiver. That's me change!
Girl Talk about shoes...
"It's strange, I used to take a size 5 or 6 and now I'm just in-between".
Lee: Have you not got a bus pass yet Carol?
Carol: Cheeky twot! I'll knock that tash off that you haven't got!
Bar: Bursts into laughter.
Carol: I meant to say that!
(that's ok then).
Carol: "I don't understand how he slept in, he only lives over the bridge!".
Punter: The managements music selection makes it sound like an Indian Restaurant!
Carol: I love them pom-poms! I mean pompadoms!
Carol: "I am the most NORMAL person in here!"
Fluffy: "Who said that?"
Carol: "It's in the Chronicle!"
Kevin: "Carol, is their any spare mice left in the draw"?
Carol goes off to look in draw and comes back with a small yellow plastic easter chick.
Kevin: "I meant a mouse for a computer".
Carol: "Close enough".
Customer: "What kind of wine do you have"?
Carol: "Milo, Cabaret Sauvignon and I don't remember the third".
It's not a complex scenario...All you have to remember is which table is which. (One table is small, round with cast iron legs and no football players - the other is not).
John : "Carol, the new football table is being delivered tomorrow
so one of the tables will have to go in the lock-up".
Carol : "ok".
The Next Day:-
Delivery Men "Where do you want the table football pet?"
Carol : "It has to go in the lock-up.".
(Ask Carol for the whole story - it will keep you amused for hours and it's still definitely not her fault! [ED])
Carol: "You have a very Catholic taste in music on your phone"
Punter: "Catholic?....[PAUSE]....You mean eclectic?"
Carol: "Yes, that's him"
More at the same time next week!! please God!, Stay Tuned!! |
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